Smith Silliness

Just another weblog

It’s All The Same

on February 17, 2015

It happened again the other day.  A friend of mine who had just had her second little one was talking about how hard it was, and then she looked at me and said, “But I really shouldn’t complain, I don’t know how you do it with five!”

People do that a lot, start to share how motherhood is hard and then feel guilty when they realize that I have more kids than they do.  Like somehow their perception of my situation being “harder” invalidates their reality.  As if I’m gonna call them out on it or say, “Oh yeah, you think you’ve got it bad, you should hear about my day!!”  Not that I would ever say that, but I’m sure there are people who would.

It’s a pet peeve of mine, actually, that we seem to invalidate each others feelings.  The one that drives me crazy is the Facebook post from the super pregnant lady saying, “I know I shouldn’t complain, but my feet are swollen and my back hurts and I just can’t wait to be done being pregnant!!”  And then she gets slammed for not being grateful for the fact that she is pregnant.  Like you’re either one or the other, grateful OR uncomfortable.  Happy with being a mom OR frustrated that your kids just colored on each other with permanent marker.  It’s like we’ve forgotten that it’s ok to be BOTH.  Grateful for the life growing inside of you AND so ready to be done.  Overwhelmed with your only child AND aware that I may be overwhelmed with my five.

Hard is hard.  Even if something is harder for someone else it doesn’t mean that your situation isn’t hard  Having a sick kid in the hospital is very hard AND having a sick kid at home is very hard too.  It’s not a competition, it shouldn’t be anyway.

So the next time someone starts to apologize for saying they’re overwhelmed with their kids because they have fewer kids than I do, I’ll smile and say, “Motherhood is beautiful AND hard, no matter how God formed your family.  And aren’t you glad He gave us each other to share in BOTH.”


2 responses to “It’s All The Same

  1. Leeann says:

    Thanks for sharing this. It is very true. Our feelings are valid. We feel what we feel. Not to remove the good parts but to share the burdens also. I’ve been wanting to share things but then I hear, God has a plan, He knows what’s going on, He’s in control.’ I KNOW but right now, I’m frustrated with so much and want to scream just to make it better. I know i’ll get thru it, that it isn’t permanent but right now, I hurt. There is too much on my plate. It isn’t as much as another person has but it feels like a lot to me right now.

  2. mandykins79 says:

    Thanks for sharing! I’m sorry things are hard for you right now, and I hope you can feel free to be frustrated even when you know things will be ok in the end. Hope things take a turn for the better soon!

    Mandy <

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